Beyond the Superficial Post

I have a minute tonight to myself and I decided to use it to organize my thoughts and explain myself on a deeper level that my usual, "check this out" post...


I tend to immerse myself in things. Call it lack of will power, poor self control, an unquenchable thirst for exhaustively exploring every aspect of whatever task, hobby, job, person, or idea for which I have a current fascination; I can't help it.

When I first went to college, I got a taste for REAL academics (not that high school junk). Class was life. Then there were some boring classes; partying was life. Then classes became interesting again; class was life. I would have spent every waking hour on class and work if it were always up to me. (luckily I had some great friends that would force me to have fun on occasion) When I graduated, I accepted my first career-like job(I had lots of other jobs but they always took a back seat to academics), and that was my sole focus. Last year, that job lost its luster (for reasons that will go unmentioned here), so, after some massive deliberation, I applied for graduate school.

Present day; I'm in graduate school, still working the job until August, doing extensive future-planning (from summer, to next year, to 10 years), and trying to maintain SOME basic contact with family and friends. School is way harder than I expected, and some of my biggest projects are culminating this year at work. I've never been so overwhelmed, yet I still get angry that I'm not able to balance them better.

It's that character flaw I alluded to at the beginning of this post. When I'm at school, I want nothing to do with work. When I'm at work, I wish I didn't have school to worry about, so I could get more done. And when I hang out with family and friends, I don't feel like going back to work or school. And it's difficult to give any of them the attention they deserve while thoughts of the other two are lurking overhead. This is especially true because they (school, work, f&f) clash so vividly(while I'm in one of the situations, those people don't care about or don't understand me when I talk about the other two). So, it's a conundrum, and my current coping mechanism is to consolidate my focus by ignoring whatever I can (usually family & friends).

Firstly, I apologize. Some of you think I'm mad at you, ignoring you, or don't care. But you're wrong. I'm just acting on my current priorities (which are probably misguided). Second, I'm looking to reduce my load and achieve a better balance, so hang in there. In the meantime, give me a nudge now and then.

So there it is, my self explanation. For you worriers out there, this isn't a "break down" or a "cry for help," just a moment of honesty. An attempt to explain myself so that you may better understand why (at times) I may seem distant, or dismissive, or whatever.

I wouldn't expect this kind of post regularly. It takes some self reflection, it's time-consuming, and I personally don't think I'm all that interesting.

Cheers,